An ongoing food series, started in 2011. Mentioned on Eater, Slate, and the New York Times

FOOD BOMB #24
FOOD BOMB #23
FOOD BOMB #22
FOOD BOMB #21

FOOD BOMB #20

FOOD BOMB 19

I interviewed Documentary Arts MfA student Elyse Bouvier about visiting Chinese-Western restaurants in Alberta.

FOOD BOMB 18

Fish-based joke battle

FOOD BOMB 17

Random food happenings from Powerball- the video I SHOULD have made involves bringing takeout containers and smuggling out pieces of octopus.

FOOD BOMB 16

Impromptu Food Bomb- I can’t even go into a barbecue place without getting offered piles of duck heads!

FOOD BOMB 15

First-person trilogy.

FOOD BOMB 14

Listen to the video- I say I’m a video artist I guess I mean it. The story of the pizza pole is longer than be contained in this video so I might need to revisit it. I have been in my post pizza pole period for over two summers it is my greatest triumph and failure,and its lessons continue to reverberate in my mind.

FOOD BOMB 13

Susur’s Special Sauce Secrets!
I talked with Chef Susur Lee and tried to get him to reveal some secrets. He didn’t really give up any secrets, but it was a great discussion and herb oils are definitely a really useful thing to have in the kitchen. 2015 I WILL USE MORE HERB OIL.

FOOD BOMB 12

LAMB HEADCHEESE
There’s more potential to lamb heads. More aggressive Middle-Eastern flavours for the next one.

FOOD BOMB 11

Pasta and past.
Containing the most embarrassing footage of me that exists.
Wish I could have filmed my (inflatable) kayak journey over to the island and back, but I was trying not to die.

FOOD BOMB 10

aka Leviathan 2. An abridged version of this video was shown live, with musical and joke accompaniment as part of DOORED 14 dooredtv.tumblr.com

Food Bomb #8

Doored Dinner! The annual dinner for members of the performance art comedy collective Doored! Jiva MacKay did the cooking.
For more information about Doored including video streams of all previous shows, go to dooredtv.tumblr.com

FOOD BOMB #7

I was invited to a genitals-themed dinner party.

FOOD BOMB #6

Cooking for Henri Faberge’s OPPORTUNITY CAFE pop-up event. THE PIG HEAD RETURNS.

FOOD BOMB #5

I’ve never watched a complete episode of Paula Deen’s television program- from what I remember, it had more ‘personality’ than her utterly generic magazine.

Appetizer

Pizza happened to me.

TARANTINO FOOD POWER

First viral video.

FOOD BOMB #4

SHOUTING OUT
ELVIS MITCHELL rocks a callback and de-spazzes Tarantino. QUENTIN TARANTINO IF YOU ARE READING THIS I THINK YOU WOULD LOVE MY STREET STYLE VIDEOS.
CHRIS HERON aka THE CONTEXTUALIZER. In 2 years he will interview Gaspar Noe, who gives him the nickname CHRIS HEROIN. May have made out with Mia Waisikowski.
REMY’S RATATOUILLE Thomas Keller you are a great chef. I wish my ingredients were as good as yours.
I was starting to look for a Leni Riefenstahl food clip to use at the end but then I was like NUH-UH LENI FUCK YOUR POWERFUL CINEMATIC LEGACY. AND FUCK ROMAN POLANSKI THAT GUY IS A RAPIST. Had to watch one of his student films, and it did have food in it. I AM EMANCIPATING THE FILM ROSEMARY’S BABY FROM YOU, ROMAN POLANSKI.

Also ORSON WELLES STANLEY KUBRICK VERA CHYTILOVA LOUIS C.K. APICHATPONG WEERASETHAKUL BUNUEL CHAN-WOOK PARK WIM WENDERS PINA BAUSCH WONG KAR-WAI JAFAR PANAHI TAKASHI MIIKE MAYA DEREN- respect.

snowbooze

I initially objected to use of the term ‘champagne nazi’, but you know who stole a lot of champagne? Nazis, that’s who.

FOOD BOMB #3

AND BACK. I’m still stuck somewhere between drunk and didactic.

First Custard Tart

MINI CUSTARD TART ICE CREAM GET ON THAT YOU ICE CREAM FLAVOR ROMARSH BASTARDS. ALL CUSTARDY DESSERTS ARE THE SWEET DEATH KISS OF SATAN. THAT BEING SAID THE PORTUGESE CUSTARD START IS LIKE MAKING LOVE TO A SOPHIA LOREN-ESQUE SATAN.

Also, I know that Sophia Loren is Italian and not Portugese- it’s not about nationality, it’s about WHO MAKES A SEXY DEVIL.

Eastern Promises – MIB3

FILM FOOD BOMB- almost changed episode 3 to be movie themed but this video needs immediate freedom.
Getting seriously not serious about CINEMA- perhaps I will create ‘the clock’ of food films. I can already get from Young Mr. Lincoln to W. to MIB3…

taking a stand

Kids these days seem pretty together with their lemonade setups. I forgot to ask that one kid how he made the lemonade pink…could concentrate have been used?

RICE SQUARE YEAH

The food is out there? (THE FOOD IS OUT THERE) The food is IN THEIR.

tapas 24

I wish 24 was more like tapas 24. Tapas make sense in 24 because they can be eaten quickly.

BASTARDOS!

THIS IS A FUCKING OUTRAGE.

Brunch Party

Melly Made It made it. To brunch party is to dream a dreamer’s dream.

Guu Tuu

It was December 31- That should explain the shoddy camerawork.

meat is the fake meat

Daniel Goodbaum is the fake Goodbaum. Mike Goodbaum is the real Goodbaum.

crispix crannies

If oversized lucky charms existed, this video wouldn’t.

Getting Guu

They are missing the potential of all the shrimp heads. I will never not drink a head-size mug of beer when I go to Guu.

it was part of something

Watermelon summer trilogy conclusion.

Where I got goat butter

Not that I’m advocating, but when I see a restaurant labelled as ‘Asian’ or ‘Pan-Asian’ I don’t know what they’re trying to pull.

Part 3 of the chalkboard sign trilogy of the summer. That minty iced tea sounds great.

getting semantic

Too much?

primary

Eat two bowls of abrasive breakfast cereal, some mini sour key candies, and then drink this.

 

#2: Midnight in Toronto

I’m not I’m not I’m not I’m not except for when I am.

long delayed payoff

R for Ramendetta would be a great 2002 playstation game.

what type of chisel

The frozen street foods of my imagination are delicious.

salomelon

I could do this for 20 minutes. But I can’t.

Duck Tales

The blow torch is the mobility answer to the food people’s cart scenario.

Glenn Asparagus R.I.P.

Disappointing lack of foodnames. Best to stick to Jewish cemeteries.

#1: Schizopolicious

This is the first episode. Please give me a job or an art school.

Ready to throw down

Brined, smoked, sous-vide, roasted. Belly tied to shoulder.
Very close to super ultimate.

Spring Noodle

How I want everything to be.

Gloaming Soon

This year will be my Jay-Z year.

Big-time time time

No one man should have all that flour.

Hating decisiveness

Young Mr. Goodbaum. The air is thick with ideology.

unrefined refinement

A best video of bests can’t always best the worst bestworst.

not JUST rare beef

Typo on the last intertitle- I apologize, but I can’t be bothered to re-render.

Mealtime Dangers

I wanna clone a dinosaur and then eat it. Probably something with a nice meaty tail.

bitesreality

Just about the best afternoon.

Wicked boot eyeful

Basic dynamics aren’t even established yet.

the Set is Set!

I woke up this morning sucking a lemon meringue pie lollipop.

Omar Paddle

A personalized kitchen utensil makes for more awesome cooking. Pizza is undoubtedly the ruler of all foods, and beloved by the people, and thus the wooden pizza peel is an ideal surface to commemorate the best off all television programmes.

I miss the summer

A little video pick me up, a virtual dose of vitamin D.

La Nouvelle Vague

Maybe it’s just time for me to copy everything that this site does. Because I love it and it’s French. Look to the site- Griottes for future videos, as it looks like they are doing some really amazing work.

Stolen From My Heart


Last Leaf

OK Go | Myspace Music Videos

Art is like science. And digital video is also science. Expect a response. This is so wonderful.

Before I Bounce

The best pork dish I have ever made. So happy to be eating I couldn’t be bothered to film properly.

Runaway

Something stupid can hopefully turn into something better. Have you ever seen a turkey close up?

bodycycle neo

Brine and wine and whine.

Found Pizza


Filming leads to immoral or amoral behaviours.

Pate Lifestyle

Videos are less fun when the cooking takes so long.

televiande #4

Wondering whether I should bother to tap into such a rich vein.

Within An

You can’t dilly-dally with produce.

Instead Of

Not quite, but almost.

Too Bad She Can’t Eat Yet

Perhaps a deep artistic statement could be made through cake photo selection and flavoring. This is a subject worthy of further investigation.

Historical Statement

The Back Alley BBQ & Grill in Kensington Market is really great and completely overlooked. Crazy technique/style combinations are at play- Chinese/Italian and Woodfire/Sous-vide. All meat and other things are cooked sous-vide and finished in the wood-fired oven. They have these Sao Bing sandwiches which are awesome- mine was assorted smoked meats. I also got a pizza of chicken, blue cheese, and homemade xo sauce. It was totally wicked.

Me History

An epic moment in the history of keeping it inside the hardcore zone.

Repeat For Change

Offal without a charcoal grill is kind of awful.

Know A Michelle?

Would be better with 4 times more puns.

Keep It Up, Ice Cream

Ice Cream Manifesto Summer 2010.

Middle-Class Cooking

I’m not gimmicky, I’m just lazy and relatively non-prolific.

happy שבועות

Tam-Tam cameo through the shop window.
I always pick the worst times to get my kosher goods.

pho money pho problems

Home pho is the best pho sure.

It is a lot of food, non?

A pony is not a seahorse!

Every Papa Should Be a Cooking Papa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bmd4ytu-QDg

Noodle Poodle

I could eat this once a day for 50 days before I needed a break.

audition wars

Show us a little love, the Food Network.

Spare the hands

Love every part of yourself.

televiande #3

It never stops and never stops escalating.

Proper Mark It

Farmer’s market saturdays are a must. This was a tuesday.

feel so empty

a heart.  a heart.

Blind Tasting Menu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxOZe2CCiUA&feature=player_embedded
Geordi probably ordered the wrong thing.

Ain’t no Wing like a Chicken Thing

I’ve always thought har gow was the ballsiest of all foods.

Made From Scraps

It was a very good lunch.

Not So Special Effect
Best Cooking on Television

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPSH9Qv7u78
If only we got this on TV. Dietary differences aside, the fact that one of the regular comic panelists rocks a Hitler moustache without anyone mentioning it is very puzzling. In a way, this program builds off of the hunger supposedly endured by anyone who goes to an Iron Chef taping and makes it an essential part of the competition. It’s a culinary coup d’état, and if you don’t vote for the winner, you don’t get to eat anything! In Iron Chef, the extreme quality and expense of the ingredients is sometimes gleefully mentioned in passing, as if it isn’t that big of a deal that these are rare hermaphrodite albino salmon. In Cooking Show Dotch, each ingredient is given a huge amount of reverence, to the point where it now frustrates me that I can’t find a store that sells hishio, or sake kasu. It’s well possible to translate this concept to the U.S.- fancy burger vs fancy taco- unless it would seem tasteless in these times to have a game show built on the idea of food waste. The one thing that Cooking Show Dotch is somewhat thankfully missing is the final shot of the losing chef’s dish being thrown into the garbage.

New Body-Cycle

Pretty soon I’ll just have to do some normal cooking.

Past-Cake

This slice is of the past. Time travel eating. Lots more honey to follow.
The chocolate line came out of nowhere.

the True Opposite of Vegetarianism

It is not being a carnivore. Even a meat eater who fetishistically relishes that an animal was killed is getting something edible out of the situation. I don’t think these men are interested in field-dressing these animals and later eating them.

If You’ve Never Made Fried Rice

Anime: it’s not just for Japanese food anymore.

patisserie-based personal discovery


I guess the Canadian equivalent would be the show Godiva’s, which I remember having very little actual food and a lot more topless nudities. Ooh, this is a yaoi!

Bag O’ Corn, Friend!


It’s not popcorn, it’s POOPcorn…

smarties study #2


Unarticulated mind-states.

Who Ate the Octopus Balls?

Is it unhealthy that my early education of Japanese cuisine was largely informed by anime and manga? But that’s how young kids these days learn about things like takoyaki and okonomiyaki and onigiri.

Fruit Roll-up


BY THE FOOT…BY THE SHEET.

When I first read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe , I had no idea what turkish delight was.  I imagined it along the lines of higher quality, more textured and abundant fruit roll-ups.  If I ever have the chance to remake society, I will revive Turkish delight along these new lines.  Speaking of which- does turkish delight roast well on a stick over a fire?  Let me check…

Apparently not, and judging from a video with a bunch of wankers roasting a turkish delight with nail varnish remover, it is certain to melt.

Televiande #2


Why can’t we have full-sized mini oreos? Or maybe a giant buttertart!

1996: the Year of Blue Drinks

I need to do an expose on the existence of ‘Blue Raspberry’ as a flavor instead of just ‘Blue’.

Televiande #1


They can’t get it right because they are too busy trying to distract us.

I love plums…why not prunes?


Animated dried fruits are due for a comeback.

Next- Switch Up


I have duck tongues in my freezer, but I promise I won’t make them for a while. This is enough tongue for 2009.

(Badly) Finally Talking


Expect the sloppy joe loose factor to tighten up soon.

Even Gwen Accidentally Cuts Herself Sometimes


Is it safe to call this the best ‘friends cooking’ music video ever?

Almost a Talkie

Audio? Or non?


A runner-up from the latest contest by the Criterion Collection. I don’t think this meatless loaf looks any good (1/2 a cup of dried parsley?) but the video highlights something that I’ve been wondering about regarding the use of sound in cooking shows. Isn’t it easier to just show people something then to tell them about it?

smarties study #1


Attempt to articulate the surface of the canvas. Spot the Godard shot!

It Feels Like You Would Expect


Don’t think I just did this for fun- this will be continued, but I couldn’t silently let this image haunt my dreams instead of sharing it with you.

Trailer #1


Officially official.

Marshmallow Test #1


The First of Many-

Fight Nazis and Drink Milk, America!


“White Ammunition” does not hold up well as a title.
Why is it that large department stores don’t have milk bars anymore? That sounds fun.

triple threat: magician, bad tv show host, commencement speaker

Familiar Lapse of Morality

A major defeat in my personal boycott against tuna, except when in a special tasting menu/dinner party type situation. Politiness-wise…if it’s already cooked, I would even have a bite of whaleloaf, if it was your grandma’s own recipe. But when I asked to substitute mackerel (“the sushi we should all be eating”) for tuna (“for culinary deviant  immoral pederasts”) they done tossed a three dollar substitution right down, even though they’re the same price on the menu.  They played hardball and did not care about my phony allergy claim, and I caved soon after.

Clearly I recognize we all need to be boycotting the bluefin tuna, lest our children and children’s children never know the joys of delicious tuna sashimi.  Our children’s children’s children will be able to constitute tuna from dna and microscopic robots though, and I’m not particularly close to or sympathetic of their crazy future generation.  Perhaps my mistake was just giving up tuna abruptly.  I have to boycott tuna by giving it a delicious sendoff, like a Barbara Streisand final concert special in Las Vegas, but in my belly.

Yakitate Japan – 1

So so good.

Momentary Ultimate Snack Phase

These pork rinds are really enjoyable, quite delicious. The plan is to try crisping some up in the oven, but I also have a high level of appreciation for cold creamy pork fat and meat/skin so it doesn’t really matter. Compared to the normally acceptable snacking foods, the pork rind has distinct benefits. While a potato chip or dorito or crisper or pretzel can lead to a somewhat indefinite period of distracted snacking leading to an insane amount of essentially deathfood being eaten, if I eat too many pork rinds it becomes difficult to eat more: because of a combination of super fatty greasy slippery fingers, and a distinct sense that my heart is crying…both in terms of long-term blood pumping, and of the poetic beautiful yearning and that. The overall greatness and simplicity of the pork rind commands a certain amount of attention and respect.

The best pork rinds are most likely in the South, and U.S. States with distinct and favored recipes or (pray for this) packaged pork rinds that can be sent over to me here in Toronto should really do so. There’s a pork rind craze that is going to hit hard around these parts. If I had a bar I would make them and serve them with beer.

When Realness is not Kept

tv cooking vs. real cooking

Important article on how cooking shows have betrayed us. More of a call to action than a hopeless account- for that you’d have to read about someone going to a taping of Iron Chef America (I’d still watch an episode if they used special ingredient…monkey). These issues remain paramount to anyone hoping to represent food and cooking, and thus keeping it real is the way to go. The honest approach will be characterized in a variety of ways.

Online Cookery

The video portion of the show will not be up for a while. It’s never too early to start sticking other videos in here.

In the Future

Popcorn will be popped in the atmosphere after being launched out of a satellite using (obviously) a laser guidance system.  It will fire accurately into a chimney and deposit itself on the kitchen counter in a bowl.  The lucky few will have individual kernels launched into their mouth just by thinking about it and opening their mouths widely, provided they are outside and humidity is relatively low.

Things I Like Eating

rabbit pocky all kinds of dried mango honeycake salmonheads pigheads soba mochi hotsmoked mackerel carnitas ratatouille from the movie ratatouille italian meringue oxtail goat butter fava beans.

the eating was good